I feel playing with one of the most auspicious songs I grew up with hearing….
This was from the film, “Gattaca”, with Ethan Hawke. In it, he was an aspiring “invalid” who due to his being naturally born sans of any genetic manipulation (as genetic manipulation before birth was the norm of his tim, could not ride on this spaceship called “Gattaca.”
That said, via perserverance, hardwork, deception and supporters, he was able to get on that ride!
That being said, I’ll never forget the line he mentioned at the end when he finally made it, which was: “For someone who was never meant for this world, I must confess I’m suddenly having a hard time leaving it. Of course, they say every atom in our bodies was once part of a star.
- Maybe I’m not leaving… maybe I’m going home.”
People like myself are not from this world, as I have explained here:
Most of you all misunderstand me cause you are ineffably incapable of getting me because the vast majority of you are organic portals with a hivemind consciousness:
This means that you all have socialised souls that come from a hivemind consciousness via oversouls created in this realm of the demiurge.
This is why I don’t care if you get me or understand me and why I run the vast majority of you up the street as I understand most of you are not on my consciousness level to get me so I don’t care if you understand me, like this idiot here:
Based on the name it’s obvious that idiot inhales helium from balloons hence it’s broken grammar 🎈 Fucking moron!
Or this moron here……
Or this moron here….. I STAY blocking IDIOTS who dare sexualise my shirtless activism and denigrate it and thus by extension myself to a lower vibration objectification even though I am superior to that…. and them:
How dare I be reduced to something merely sexual or a spectacle in your eyes when I am superior to you and most people in general…..
Or this idiot here…..
I’ll MAGA ‘woke that bitch to hell and show her what having true low self esteem is like 🧙🏻♀️👹🔥
– Add here there…..
As I said before, as I said yesterday, I’m surrounded by idiots 🤷🏻♀️…..
That being said, I have always known that my Soul is an anomaly. Unlike most of you who can call on your “ancestors” cause your souls belong to a hivemind consciousness collective, I can’t do that. I am one of the rare humans born with the True Divine Spark of the Aeon Sophia, whose Soul comes direct from The Source.
I have seen thru my third eye that I have had lived many ancient lifetimes as a Southeast Asian – living in buddhist monasteries, learning the path, the key to enlightenment (I felt something open in my sacral chakra as I wrote this). This is why when those who are sensitive – and not projecting organic portals – are around me, they sense an old wise Soul – I’ve been told an immortal as was told to me by Seers in jail. To the organic portals, because my Infinite Soul is way tpo large, huge, and vast to comprehend – they write me off as crazy 🖕🏽
This is why I walk the path as I do in this lifetime.
This is why I am “misunderstood” because I was never meant to be understood.
I have never been accepted or had a tribe anywhere because it is not the path I am meant to take.
As evidenced by a few lil things – nothing big – last week with my own people…..
They had some dudes – one in skinny jeans who looked like Lil Uzi Vert mocking my website, talking shit (it was actually the more wetback looking one talking shit) but they were all cool….
Unlike my dealings with crakkkas and wetbacks…..
….I don’t even fit in with what is supposed to be my “own kind.”
It is because I was deliberately designed to be misunderstood to walk the path of the tranny…..
I am literally a white woman living in a black woman’s body.
I was meant to walk this path to bring about a greater awareness of the Soul – that we are Our Soul and not the physical container we are defined as.
When I first incarnated here – I recall looking around the “neutral ground” – a wide circle in the middle of a neighborhood “cul de sac” when I was 5 and just knowing my material life will be miserable because I would live a lifetime in this present incarnation of being misunderstood, and therefore rejected.
As someone who innately was cognizant of this – due to my hyperintuition having a knowing that because my “inside” would not match my “outside” – that folks would not get me and so thus they did not…..
All my life I was told my energy is too strong, I have “too much energy (really, light – which folks have tried to snatch from me)”, and even, ESP. intimidating which is why, instead of compromising aka lowering myself down to their infinitesimal level to be understood – I run these assholes away (I will NOT let you be privileged to be in my space while trying to cut me down for your lower vibrational consumption)!
I have evolved, like my fellow transgender, to have a thick skin in a world in which we, folks like us, will be misunderstood cause the vast majority of these organic portal idiots don’t understand the Soul apart from religious moronic teachings that don’t nor can even touch the even superficial surface of what the Soul is, it’s anatomy.
They can not even come close to understanding the intricacies of The Soul as harnessed in my ancient learnings embedded in my dna.
Couldn’t hold a candle 💡
That said, I knew from an early age in this physical incarnation that I would be set for a life of lonliness that would bring me further enlightenment and thus, true inner contentment which eludes most of these systemheads who define happiness as buying a lambo, having the latest car, buying a mansion 🤦🏻♀️
I could never get it, even as a child!
That said, let me bring you into my internal world for those going thru the same struggles and going down the same path ✊🏽 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
I specifically made a flag for those who are physically black but feel white on the inside in which has two brown bars and is white in the middle = Soul with an oreo cookie meant to describe our inner and outer racial makeup, the expression of the Soul sandwiched in the physical container which is our Earthly body:
Now, let me explain to you all how transracial works….
Being transracial, just as with transgender, does not mean acting out stereotypes of the opposite race you sense your Soul resonates with and is related to…..
One thing I CAN’T STAND are black bitch bedwenches of war-ship skin colours outside their own cause they want a baby with “good hair” or they’ll pantomine what they perceive “white features” such as listening to rock, pantomining talking white…..
Here is a good example:
…..There is a better video but I can’t find it!
You can tell she is acting outside herself…..
Here is another great example (I sense this poor child has been done wrong by the black men in her area so I can overstand where she is coming from)…..
I remember a wetback calling itself trying to get close to me and emphasized something about his skin color as if it on it’s own did me a “service” and I said bitch my mom lighter, with “whiter” features then you.
I can’t stand those things…..
I am not those women….
Let me break down how I have always viewed the world as a transracial.
I have had folks, including a white lady in a green RejuvOhm suv, the rednecks – when they were around that period on the pch was popping and funny ass fuck – tell me that I was “white.”
From the time I was a little girl I ALWAYS saw myself as white with blonde hair and bpue eyes – just like that mormon past life! I HATED the way blacks were/are treated now (they are severely treated badly and envied like a mofo) because, having been white, I knew there was a better way.
This is why I don’t put up with shit from the wetbacks…..
Esp. when they fetishize and hypersexualise me (as I explained before it is because the wetback can only see things from the paradigm of a stereotype and lack the mental machinations to perceive things on a deeper level due to a simple minded IQ as explained here):
It disgusts me! If I were in a white body they would not be doing this and it still disgusts me to see, period, that their low vibratory asses – who are the winners of the rape olympics every year…..
– This is why we gotta keep em out the country 💪🏻💪🏿🦅🇺🇲 everywhere
Would have THE AUDACITY to project their rapist, pedophile, predatory behaviour out on blacks when blacks and whites have more class when it comes to sex while these things will fuck anything with a hole – as I have been told by every racial group, including they themselves!
Look at what they did to this poor black girl:
This is why I wear my MAGA hat and ICE shirt which says, “Get back, wetback!”
Fucking nasty ass low count low vibratory no class having ass race of pedophiliac sex demons!
That being said, my worldview is colored by how my Soul sees things and not how folks see me physically!
When growing up – let me break this down – in my two previous incarnations – one that was Vietnamese and the other past life mormon and white (I have always had an affinity for Utah and could never understand why until that astral vision showed me that past life incarnation while I hated and still continue to hate Las Vegas with a rabid intense passion) – I was raped! As I explained before in the mormon past life post I was raped by a teacher who interestingly looked like Colonel Sanders:
In the Vietnamese incarnation which is my most recent (interestingly I grew up in a New Orleans suburb called Village D’ Les right off of Chef Menteur highway which was right next to – Vietnamese Village) – I was gang raped and murdered by US soldiers.
So understandably my life, I chose this body to incarnate in in part cause, “No one fucks with black people.”
Black people are feared, are naturally esp. physically imposing, “hard”, intimidating and are strong!
It is why I always low key embraced the stereotype of the angry black female
And let crakkkas (and esp. wetbacks) know that I can and will be that nigger as I did here:
Fucking crakkka even called the cops on me….
I always felt that being in a black body gave me the privilege of averting many disasters – from kidnappings to rapes and other attacks – cause of the image of being physically superior and thus “folks you don’t wanna fuck with!”
While being in this black body – I always took it as an insult for a white to defeat us since, as conveyed by this University of Washington poll – black men AND black women have the most testosterone of EVERY RACE:
When I was growing up – and this will sound fucking weird – I looked down upon being in “white spaces” for some reason. I saw em as dorky, punks, dweebs, weak – the opposite of what I prized black people to be. In my inner world of consciousness – tho. I knew I didn’t fit in with the blacks cause they knew who I was – I was just inexplicably “irritated” with whites. Maybe it was because I knew they would judge my skin color and foist upon me all these stereotypes cause of the color of my skin – I hate how they look at blacks! This is why on a subconscious level I always kinda hated the non thuggish blacks who spoke “valley girl” (nothing wrong with speaking well, proper), grew up around crakkkas and “imitated” them! I didn’t wanna be that “kneegrow”, not even now!
I think that is why when that chemistry teacher in high school told me to “drop the English accent” – it hit hard cause that was my Soul expressing itself and she was trying to impose a way of being on me that is not true to my Soul!
I remember going on saying, “Why not emulate African accents (bitch, Africa is a whole continent with thousands of tribal vernaculars, etc.).” Goes to show her own ignorance and racial stereotyping of the place.
This is why in part I can understand the unfair impositions of identity my transgender sisters face cause of the organic portal misconstruction of valuing physical identity over the spiritual. I explained it here once:
It’s like how dare you impose an identity upon me that is foreign to me, to my Soul!
That said it was this racial ambiguity that caused me to pick that nigger school (I just couldn’t stand to be around white people for some reason tho. I was attracted to their men):
That said, tho it was fun (thank goodness mines is transracial rather than transgender), my mom and brothers used to make fun of me when some white actor who I had a crush on came on and playfully tease me, talk shit about em.
It was always misunderstood, crazy, out of the way, dirty looking white boys (that last phrase “dirty looking white boys” – the sound of it – just does something for me). Dirty crazy crakkkas like Garey Busey:
– Man I liked some weird mofos….
He was legit cute and I can see even now why I liked him!
My mom used to say as a child I had a thing for hardened white bois!
Even Jude Law when he played in the film, “Music Coming From Another Room” – it sounds so poetic 💖
I preferred him when he was obscure. I could never get into mainstream crakkkas like Tom Cruise tho. I liked his aura (and wanted to emulate the dudes) in “Top Gun”!
I liked the aura of it tho. I could never stand to watch it (movies like that bore me).
I remember a vivid childhood memory when I was 5 when, while on a swingset, singing a broken fucking version of the Top Gun theme song, “Fly Into The Danger Zone” in which my sad, tone deaf, quite possibly autistic ass would sing, “Ha to got to hawto save the day” – LOL! I used to make an abomination of another song by Regina Belle called, “Make It Like It Was” in which I would sing, “Whickey Whackey World!”
I remember the days where I would comb the TV Guide and – obsessively – search for the names of the crakkka actor who I had a crush on for that particular month (it was a long and arduous process) so I would not miss whatever film they would be on so I could leer….
I could tell my mother did not like my choice of men so therefore I took to liking whatever white man she found attractive (my dad used to joke that she had a picture of her with an early 70s whigger, hugging him, so she couldn’t talk shit on me).
This is how Tom Berenger found his way into my heart 💖
The scars make him even cuter 😘👦🏻
He is hawt even as an ole man 😘👨🏻🦳
I wanna say something: there is no way, knowing how I was when I was young, that I could maintain a healthy romantic relationship with anybody. As then as is now I’m a jealous mofo who – look – I worship me, I am the centre of my own universe. NO WAY IN HELL could I get involved with anybody and just bare the thought of them being attracted to anyone else when I have given them the present of ME🎁
It is like I am The QUEEN 👑 of my own palace, of my own world and, it’s like – given how folks are now – no way could I give myself as I have seen how even on smaller scales folks have wrecklessly walked over the present that is me and no way would I let someone demean the gift that is me 👸🏼👑
I guess as a defence mechanism this is why IN PART I rightfully keep mofos away from me.
Reading the Diary of Paul Dienach and seeing how future folks see and value themselves – as well as the ability to see beyond the carnal – gives me incentive to see that there are folks way past the primal carnal way you all primitive folks see sex and your bodies and so thus each other….
I also wanna mention that the white dudes I liked were kinda rough but off. I like off people. I don’t get along with normal people period. Off people are off my flock. I am not meant to be part of the human tapestry of things, of society, of your lies, your deceptions. As you see here I bare me! I live under no pretenses. You all just…. smdh 🤦🏼♀️
In terms of guys, again, they had to be off but have a roughness like not like a whigger (I HATE WHIGGERS as they are trying to culturally appropriate a culture while emulating and attuning themselves and thus perpetrating the worst stereotypes of it).
Plus they are ugly to me.
The dude I would like would have to have a sorta “blackness” which is hard to describe (quite possibly being reincarnated blacks in white bodies themselves), a hardness that goes against the norm and not expected of whites is the best way I could articulate it! When I found black dudes attractive it was because they had some strong white physical features like this kid I knew in kindergarten named Wesley Byers who looked like George Michael low key to me…..
I remember rocking his ass to sleep by reading him a nursery story after I got his number and called him…..
Off mofos is what I like. Jude Law appealed to me in that film cause he was awkward, but cute – I can’t fully articulate it but it’s like these contradictions between looks and behaviour I find intriguing and thus attractive!
This dude here was weird and looka the colour ⬜
He told me was the reincarnation of Jesus Christ but the way he acted and carried on and sounded – which was “ghetto” but not trying to hard, but a natural part of the tapestry of his personality – is what I found alluring…..
Esp. when he “took” me aka raped me which was not a real rape but something I was hoping would happen (anyone else don’t pull this shit with me or else dat dyck coming off 😁🩸✏😝)!
That said you can peep more insanity here 👉🏼
You know, just now I got an email from THE Ghetto Gaggers to return to doing filming with them:
Should I or should I not?
I dunno. I kinda need that van so I’ll consider it 👍🏻💡
Here another dude I “fell in love with” before he blew up: Liev Schreiber – a Jew – in Phantoms:
He was also cute in Scream but too mainstream for me…..
…..He was VERY cute in it actually…. He had a “white boy cuteness” in his face!
But I liked him as the creepy sheriff in Phantoms:
In this scene he molest the corpse and I like his weird, creepy interactions with the young teen lady!
He was hawt 😃🔥💖 here the way he was holding that gun and shooting that thing while the juxtaposition of him being a deputy and a creep did something for me….
That said, it is not an easy life living in a body where your Soul does not match up with your body. You learn – as a defense mechanism (a Mexican client who was a security guard years ago broke it down) – to protect your true inner self by warding off those who will not, may not understand. It protects you from much hurt by keeping people who will misunderstand you and try to change you as a result out your world.
Many folks like myself are lonely because of this.
In a way it serves as the catalyst for why I always liked busting “norp” or normie’s chops by shattering their world view by deliberately at times going way outta my way to offend to either repeal them or see if they get me by accepting all of me: my quirks, my craziness, my idiosyncrancies – the true inner me!
It is all meant to do things to say, “You can’t confine me by defining me.”
Things like here:
I mean, some of that shit was possession but some of it was an extension of the true me wanting to be free and not giving a fuck about being defined 🖕🏻🖕🏽
As Chris Rock said, “So many of you all put out your representatives” but, I live to be me 🦅🇺🇲
I sit back and people watch and eaves drop and I don’t understand how you all can live the way you all do! I overhear how people make fake corny friends not to have real friends who will hold you down – as I always did – and care about you but for the sake of appearances – like in that episode of Black Mirror where assholes make friends to define them and not due to an intimate and sincere pursuit of deep ties….
This is sick and this is how most of you all operate and I could never.
Awhile back I had a mayate organic portal ask me how can I talk shit on wetbucks but yet fuck em…..
– It was honest nice for even a brief time to live the regular life of most of you all. That was a side effect/benefit of the drinking urges at least…..
– See, this the nigger I fucking hate cause I had to deal with these self contradicting bullshit mofos in high school who will knock me for living my truth by liking – naturally – white males and, meanwhile, they only wanna “wide” or “Messycan” man so dey babie can have “good hurr!” I hate these projecting ass niggers and they were the ones who shot at my identity.
I guess it’s par for the course cause they are the main ones to hate on transgenders….
I’ll never forget they had a fucking nigger artist who lambasted, chastised me for only drawing white people! Meanwhile he had a painting of a black woman with blonde hair, like wtf are you saying with that?
See, I belong nowhere and I am quite content with that. I am used to it and it gives you certain freedoms you can’t pull if you are part of the fold!
I remember the day when the white girl came along and went topless, blacks didn’t say shit but these same fucking nigger apes mainly on the pch would tell me to not go shirtless cause it “embarasses us”:
I’m not one of you, bitch! My Soul is white 👸🏼
I don’t belong anywhere – not with whites, blacks. If anything, with the outcast where I truly feel I belong – misfits – cause Imma misfit as well. I am anomoly and I am comfortable being seen that way!
That being said, it is interesting the shit you see when your eyes are wide open and you stand just on the periphery of society.
My experiences being white in a black body, which reminds me of this old film here called “Black Like Me”:
When you are like me, white in a black body, it gives you a special genuine perspective on things – esp. when you are already sitting on the periphery cause you are an anomoly. I notice the lil inequalities that get meted to black people on a daily basis.
I wear my ICE shirt with a MAGA CAUSE, EVERYDAY, I can hear their lil condescending remarks that they say based on what they associate me with as instituted on my physical race. Things like crackhead, hoe and other derogatory contumlies that expresses their underlying belief (as if they can actually think this with their low IQ selves) that blacks are inferior and hypersexual….
Nevermind these mofos win the olympic gold for rape everytime….
This is why yesterday – when one of their nasty asses came up to ask to take a pic (I knew IT was gonna use it for masturbation material), I said no and that I don’t take pics for his kind (I was in a good mood so I didn’t cuss him out).
Meanwhile I GLADLY took pics with a white dude and, most of all, a black lady!
Then today – I guess cause word got around – that I take pics with anyone BUT them, of course these demon seeds came to gangstalk…..
I speak on how to keep your distance as a black to keep from being disrespected by them in which I break it down here:
Remember, people worship what they can’t have…..
This is why I SADISTICALLY enjoy reminding their bad built like a bean bag beaner bag low IQ having ass that they ain’t white cause they think they are….. 😈
AND, CRAKKKAS, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT YOURSELVES…..
The time I have spent in a black body has shown me how cripplingly fucking 1 dimensional minded and arrogant whites can be towards black people and black bodies in general…..
From my experience it is a 1 dimensional arrogance where you all feel an entitlement to black people’s spaces and thus bodies and get pissed when we don’t yield to you as if you are our fucking royal highnesses like your wetback dogs who war-ship you all do!
This is why I also love to tear down the self esteem of those of you all who see me as a 1 dimensional spectacle and not the deep, nuanced, feeling human being that I am:
This is why I cussed those crakkkas out and even cursed her womb by causing an abortion by using my third eye….. just as I did my lil half demon seed here:
Their white trash asses weren’t fit to have any kids anyways…..
It is an arrogance marked by an erasure, a denial of black people as persons and only as playthings either sexually or for other reasons (like cultural appropriation) in which you all lecherously leer and fetishize them while all the while hating them out of envy…..
DON’T! 🤚🏼 Get me started on the inherent misogyny in their own cult-ure, which was started by them. A cult-ure that predatorily, parasitically and thus unhealtily require that your own women – who you should value – should be weak for you to be strong (I see this misguided mindset inherent in you all’s white supremacist gatherings)…..
– I was looking for a source straight from THE SOURCE: Them – but I Google whitenized they asses off the internet I guess 🤷🏼♀️
That said, even Thor came to me and said he don’t want them worshipping him:
As an aside he was the only “god” to ever appear to me unsolicited but like ALL OF THEM I told him to kiss my black/white transracial ass and ran him up the s(kr)eet cause he wasn’t gonna use me to bring in followers for energy for him to feed on….
And then he turned my baby brother into a wolf as can be seen in this cloud formation and as explained in that blogpost above 👆🏻
That said, I don’t like how you all treat your own women, how you all treated me in my past life as well as here!
Let’s be real! No matter how I acted, their asses wouldn’t of put hands on me if I were a white bitch!
I hate this dual lust and lack of respect for black women’s bodies that I see coming forth from crakkkas…..
…..But wanna boot up to you as if you are a man which, and this is me saying it from their perspective: it’s like they don’t value us as they do their own women but lust and, this is what collectively sense – it is like they expect black women to keep their minds stuck in this sorta racial hierarchy where they expect black women to act as if any white boi would do and to act as if they are doing us a favour, even the most loser ones, by “gracing” us with their presence…..
No, bitch, I’m God! You bow down to me! 👸🏼
Because I’m black, I was able to build up my muscles in only a month after not having worked out for a whole 4 years!
This is one of the reasons why I love being black ✊🏻🖤👸🏼🇲🇼 Asé
That said, this is why I hate the bedwenches out in like Hermosa Beach; they make me look bad! They see my tranny, transracial ass coming – they think cause I talk proper that I am a “good nigger.” No bitch! When I was a kid – hear a fond memory – cause I didn’t want anyone else on the playground – I started singing, “I hate crakkkas” and that is when all the crakkkas left! I hate ass kissing buck ass uncle toms who kiss white people asses (the only time I kissed a crakkka’s ass was literay when I was a prostitute). I get confused for them cause I am transracial so I DELIBERATELY go way outta my way to let em know: I don’t war-ship you! I war-ship me for my whole self and I will throw you right under that fucking bus!
I remember how these crakkkas threw aside my feelings and hardships all cause I wouldn’t kiss this white crakkka ass (and I cussed him out and I’d fuck his ass up to do it over again):
They don’t take into account my pains, my hurts. Why I acted the way I did – in defense. All they saw was “I hurt the whittle crakkka feelings!”
Here is another example of their weak genetic defective nature: they wanna bully me for “bullying” a white bitch (no one I said shit too) all for saying THE TRUTH that the bitch draws abusive mofos cause of a personality flaw and how she needs to fix it (in the reddit story the white bitch was on her SECOND abusive relationship and the one in the story was abusive ass all fucking hell – dumbass)!
And this heaux here, learn to fucking take self responsibility white bitch 🖕🏻🖕🏽
This reminds me of how a bunch of wimpy cowardly white boys ganged up on Oprah Winfrey in The Color Purple for not kissing that old white bitch ass:
Or that sister who literally got manhandled by a gang of low testosterone crakkka males after defending herself from a white bitch during that Trump Capitol Riot (I heard she lost her job too):
And the wetbacks will be right there to support like I experienced at Tavern On The Main in El Segundo years ago which is why I can’t stand their ass (there is no black and brown unity with them demon seeds. Read here why):
They see black people as objects, as props for them to only give color to their life and not as feeling thinking human beings with our own thoughts and emotions!
It’s like with the wetbacks. They don’t try to understand where I am coming from but it is all about how “I hurt them” (with the truth 🤜🏽) which is why I say fuck them 🖕🏻🖕🏽 and keep calling shit out…. to their dismay!
Believe when I say they would be more sympathetic if I were white! Trust!
I’ve corrected crakkkas when they talk ill on black men cause unlike these other races who always wanted something from me black men have always helped me out unconditionally. I’ll correct another race’s mofo in a NY sec for disrespecting blacks because I have had nothing but positive experiences with my physical own:
Every thing I say here is true…..
That being said, another thing I wanna add is – maybe it is an extension of the two traumatic past lives where I got raped – but I always saw myself as “the man” on tv. I have a strong masculine aura – it’s actually balanced but because women are taught to subdue their masculine energy for the patriarchy I come off, again, as misunderstood in terms of energy!
When I work out, I see myself as Tom Berenger from Platoon!
When watching Top Gun I saw myself vicariously as Tom Cruise:
Even as a girl I wanted to be hard shit – everything ranging from an astronaut (that’s my inner starseed Soul expression coming out) to a mafia hitwoman to a priest to the fucking Antichrist:
I don’t see the “sexpot” that that WETBACK was trying to make me out of for his own sexual fantasies, telling me to get on the g
hood of my car – GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! He lucky he found me in good spirits cause any other time – he would NOT of even been allowed to come near me.
I said to him that I wanted to pose with my weights and when he casted a downcast look I knew then what he was up to!
Don’t disrespect me!
I am not hear for anyone’s sexual fetishization. Because of my spiritual ascension I have no sex drive anymore. I even think the way you all have sex is disgusting and primitive and you all got body parts like an animal:
That said, I walk the path of a shaman. It is a path that requires duality and overstanding things from many viewpoints and not just being confined to “one life” as so many have!
I grew up poor then upper middle class and much of my adult life was lived in material poverty but then I came out on top with spiritual wealth.
How many folks can have these varied experiences and live the variety of a life that I have had.
We always say, the world is a stage!
People become traumatised due to one life event which takes them out their comfort zone and forces them to question their lives!
Incidents like rape esp., a murder, robbery!
They build their lives on the thought that, because they have this, cause they live in this cul de sac, they are “untouchable” to the ills that plague what they suppose as “vagrants” like me, the economic lower classes, the poor living in the projects. “Oh, I can’t get raped cause I’m not a hooker and don’t go to bars” – the pick me bitch line!
“Oh, only low class people have kids who grow up to be drug addicted losers….”
“I can’t get robbed cause I don’t live in that type of neighborhood or am that color!”
I remember when I worked at JP Morgan Chase as a personal banker I got brutally attacked and raped!
It reminded me that no matter your social strata no one is immuned to a change in course of destiny!
The point I am trying to get at is – as someone who has lived her on the fringes and found my home, my comfort space here – don’t let these mofos, this world define you! When you define yourself based on social strata, economic, material possessions – that can be taken away from you.
Then who are you?
I recall a hispanic dude who kept boasting to me of how he was engineer (cause I put in my old hooker ads “no hispanics”). I asked: “If this world goes to hell, who are you?”
I’ve been raped, I been stabbed, but nothing I been thru affects my inner Self cause I know the Soul is truth! This 3D realm is not where I’m from. It is at best a playground that Souls come to to incarnate to experience carnal desires, pleasures and, at worst…. hell!
Going thru these experiences brings you a certain cause you just stop giving a fuck – as long as you know yourself that is and your truth! I don’t care how people perceive me – you will treat and act towards me with respect and dignity otherwise I will raise hell (and ✊🏽 ‘woke you) but you stop being apologetic towards others of yourself when you have supposedly “too much energy” aka power!
You realise that much of your life has been lived around mofos who wanna tear down your light and make you dull like them.
So you sink or swim and either own your power or join the masses and dim it!
I choose to keep it and to wield it over people.
I find that thru all this the old idiom, “Freedom is never having to say you are sorry.” When you are attached to people – this why I stay to myself and fervently guard my space like a watch dragon – you tie yourself into their collective consciousness meaning their thoughts, dreams and desires. Many free spirits, esp. those on the path to Self Awakening and Ascension, learn as I myself did that an integral part of growing is to break away from folks who don’t serve you and to go within.
That is how I have inner strenght and how I have always had it (remember! In many of my past lives I was a buddhist monk including a shaolin monk)! You can’t find self discovery by still being merged with people! I myself have no ties, really! Except for a few people who care about me – including family – I stay to myself. That is how I build strenght. If I had strong ties with these folks, in light of all these incidents I’d feel like a failure cause I would be part of the collective tapestry of emotions in which they would feel strong about it and I know quite a number look down on how I choose to live which is why folks like myself have fleeting, necessary relationships and only deep relations with those like me – and even that can be fleeting cause those people could be meant to be in my life momentarily, then flee when it is the right time!
So, fuck it if folks call you a hoe, a this or a that. Your Inner World, Yourself is what defines you. I believe my being transracial, along with the existence of transgenders, is meant to teach this lesson.
I also believe that I am a “host” to a walk in spirit, Chris Redfield from Resident Evil.
We live in a multiverse where there are infinite realities. Like my Saranea series there exists a reality where Resident Evil really did exist and Chris Redfield died and reincarnated thru me. Now my machoism makes sense!