If you are wondering… I haven’t been updating my blog, it’s because I have to move ALLL my vids from my server over to a “new place” which will take awhile but hopefully will be accomplished!
I can do this blogpost because it won’t be so “media intensive.”
I’ll go ahead and remove ALL my vids from youtube – maybe keep a few up with lessons in them so that people will find and learn from them and proceed from there cause, once this transition is done – the videos WILL WORK MUCH BETTER AND THERE WILL BE NO NEED TO REALLY HOST ON YOUTUBE!
That said, I believe I healed myself of the alcohol urges…
I was listening to some theta beats therapy (if you don’t know what it go ahead and look it up online)… Here is a sample below:
– MAKE SURE IT’S GOT THE THETA WAVES in them which will sound like a pulsating sound cause so many claim they do have it but don’t!
That said, taking from my knowledge of energy, chakras and having LITERALLY removed pain from me, etc. through this knowledge of energy (I think they call it reiki) I was able to heal those aspects in me while listening to those theta beats and going “om” at times (which is a POWERFUL vibrational sound on it’s own and something I saw the astral magicians do – almost teaching me that sound and “singing” it from outside my old apartment window – I learned SOOO much spiritually from my old apartment, including the power of triangles). That said, I learned why I drunk, why I would have those (LITERALLY) head twisting alcohol urges that were HARD to ignore, really HARD to defend against…
Remember I told you of how back at my old high school here: St. Katherine Drexel:
Remember how, because I hated it due to the trauma I daily faced, being told constantly by TEACHERS and students (this was a nigger school which is why I REALLY can’t play that race shit) not to use “big words”, even being embarassed one time in which Ms McCleod (she later told me in a deep way that a teacher did that to her – she was a math prodigy – and might of stymied her potential, thus causing her to take it out on me which ain’t still right but I understand) had the kids put me down for using “big words” like obfuscate in a sadistic manner which was almost reminiscient of being in hell, saying “I am trying to be better than them, etc.” Interestingly, her brother went on to head Monsanto in a big capacity (this almost sound like some MK Ultra shit now that I think of it), helping to make POISONOUS GMO foods and running poor farmers with their patented Agenda 21 seeds out of business:
– Watching the above vid BROKE MY HEART, seeing a fucking corporate giant bully a lil old poor man, farmer, jusr trying to make a living and get by…
That said, cause I resented SOOO MUCH my choosing to go to that NIGGER school (if you mayates don’t like what the fuck I am saying, fuck you too, like some of those lil nigger bitches at formerly prep who are attending it now who were FUCKING WITH ME when I spoke about the trauma I faced in an old video on an old channel, saying not to blame them for any trauma I endured – they almost like a fucking cult and, yeah, I’ll keep shining a spotlight on them) – I think I felt influenced to go there due to my nice and light skinned pro black militant teacher, Mr. Leafroy (I think he might be dead, poor soul!) who looks like that dude who is “white” (he a creole jew which I expound on here:
https://toplessinla.org/2018/04/07/the-white-jews-are-really-creole-jews-who-prove-black-americans-are-the-true-jews/) named Shaun King:
– Man, how our current times (which push FUNNY ass memes of Hitler):
– This is a REAL pic of Hitler looking suave (who uses that word now) ASS FUCK, lol!
– teach us that the people who are propped on stage as “leaders” by the lamestream media who are in part supported by corporations like Monsanto (who did what they did to that poor man above) live lies of lives and push the mainstream narrative of deception and thus destruction on the world while selling the idea of Earthly success – on their terms – to keep them going…
…Who exposed us to Malcolm X (while a white teacher exposed us to feminist militancy – NONE OF WHICH I REGRET and actually gave me direction with what I wanted to do in life in many ways… I NEVER wanted to be ordinary, a norp and havea a bs family, blah, blah, blah – but someone GREAT who can take alot of shots…
Anyways, taking a cue from The Devil’s Advocate:
I took a whole lotta Tylenol pills and tried to commit suicide so I can – too – go back in time and change things, choose De La Salle instead of Xavier Prep (now St. Katherine Drexel) in New Orleans… experience that “high school experience” since it was coed and multiracial: date (white) boys, have fun, go to parties, do drugs, get pregnant for a white boi – that whole high school life I at the time felt I was missing out on…
So I superficially took the drugs to end it – NOT OUT OF PAIN, but I had a plan, an intent. It wasn’t cause of necessarily the pain my enemies inflicted on me (that’s why I can understand the Columbine Killers – you know what? I just had a thought – I’M SURPRISED no mug 30, 40, 20, 50 years later ain’t went back to the high school they were tormented at and wreak havoc on the mug – at the time I had my dad, a now (retired) cop’s guns, rifles but all I got is dumbbells, lol!):
Anyways, here’s my tribute to the Columbine Killers (this happened back in 1999 – I remember the “Times” magazine article it was headlined on – when I myself was 16 and the chemistry treacher, a psycho neurotic autoerotic science teacher named Ms. Preston said what she said to me which I will say later):
* It CAN NOT BE DENIED that their outfits look badass…
– I honestly can’t blame these kids for doing what they did: they got LITERALLY shoved into lockers, beaten up, etc. shit that in this WISER generation we now realize should NOT be staples of the high school – or any school – experience! No one should have to go through that shit and fuck all you fake ass, “hardened” wanna be tough asses who say those kids gotta tough it out. Fuck you all ? Ya’ll bitches need to be shot, saying kids gotta go thru shit that would be illegal for someone to do to us adults just cause you went through it when you were younger…
Fuck you ?, “pansy” asses, just like your boy, “The Duke” walking around, wearing daisy dukes from back in the day…
Yes, John Wayne was the world’s first famous cross dresser, ladyboy!
Anyways, Columbine was the world’s first psyop! Speaking of which during that time – might ’97 or ’98 but I had a crush on Luke Woodham who was from Pearl, Mississippi (not too far from where I was at – New Orleans, LOSER-ana) who was D FIRST to fuck up his school (and that’s when the illuminati rolled out it’s first ever anti gun laws up until the widespread pervasiveness of so called “conspiracy sites” – starting with 9-11’s “Loose Change” – started fighting back with them currently trying to censor the net [which they do de facto via google and youtube which are CIA owned] via the FOSTA bill which they used to shut down backpage which you can read here: https://toplessinla.org/2018/04/12/backpage-aint-got-nothing-on-pizzagate-politrickians-occult-murders-of-kids/ – that is why we must Stay Woke ? ? ✊ ?
Here is Luke Woodham (this nigga WAS the original neckbeard before it became a style ??
– Just looking at these pics is bringing back thirsty memories… them two cops were cutee, too XD ??
Even his murderpedia page JUST HAS PICTURES…
– I see I ain’t the only one who admires him ??
Now this nigga look like Vince (I wanted to be called “Vince” and “Bruce” when I was a little kid) Pruitt Taylor, lol:
…He don’t look that bad, actually looks VERY CUTEE, ALMOST PRETTY (and a lil gay) with hair…
Thst said, the botched attempt at suicide enddd up resulting in a kundalini awakening in which ALL of thoughts, ideas, feelings, emotions and ESP. INFO (I felt like I was getting instantaneous answers from the universe) were converging on me at a fast pace much like a building falling on you like here:
A kundalini awakening is a POWERFUL and OVERWHELMING experience in which you must be prepared (but I don’t think there is any way to do so…)
I think this is why I’ve gone thru what I’ve gone thru…
It’s funny, before this happened – it was like certain parts of my brain were “blocked” – like things were designed to come along, to happen to me so as to “unlock” them. However I have always been able to look at pictures and can read people from em, pick up psychic images from them. As I taught before – trauma fuels your spiritual abilities and experiences: it opens up your chakras and do what it would take YYYYYEARRRRS for meditation on it’s own to do – that and drugs AND alcohol. Sex (via the sacral chakra and IF DONE THE RIGHT WAY!!!) can be used to open them as well via I believe kundalini awakening. I believe you need a womban to do this (as I explain here:
womben GIVE energy and men TAKE IT which is why it is NOT a good idea to have sex with men often). It’s called tantra. Those are the big secrets monks, yogis won’t tell you but I am telling you – free of charge (but with ads on my site).
That said, due to the energy derived from the trauma I endured from the botched suicide, I had my – what I now realise to be – a kundalini awakening in which I was sensitive to the energies of others… extremely sensitive which I feel caused me to go through what I went thru later on and made me a super genius overnight in which ALLL the answers in the universe came at me via lightening speed! It is like my mind COULD NOT REST! I was on high alert 24/7 and don’t get me started on my crown chakra – it felt like the pressure caused from the botched suicide in addition to constant bullying, etc. brought about this feeling of extreme pressure on my crown chakra (which I kinda have now but NOWHERE near as bad as when I first got it!) THAT LITERALLY FELT LIKE A TON OF BRICKS ON MY HEAD! IT WAS SOOO MUCH ENERGY! It was also like – and now I KNOW this is odd – but it was like my right and left brain were working equally in tandem with each other which is rare to happen as most people are either more left or right brained!
That said, this was one of the first major spiritual experiences (Now THIS just came to me) as per an initiation – a spiritual one.
That said – and now looking back I realized this was designed maybe to lull the OVERWHELMING energetic effects of the kundalini awakening, when I was in my biology class and I started using my patented English Accent™, as I was reading about electrons and protons and neutrons and shit, my chemistry teacher RUDELY interrupted and said, “Drop the english accent” with a sinister sadism in her voice, like she enjoyed crumbling my innocence (now as I look back on it I feel it mighta been necessary) and that is – now I recognize – when I lost the “right creative side of me”, my heart.
It internally had wide reaching effects where it affected other more sensitive parts of me. I won’t say what so as to protect me but because I was highly sensitive, empathetic if you will (taking on folks’ emotions like you would take on a disease) it literally SUPPRESSED the right side of me for YYYYEARS with the creative side practically, forcefully suppressed, “internally dug down deep” within me. All the values, belief systems I was brought up with – I kinda rejected! It was like the forming of my shadow self taking hold started occurring, commencing at this time. I was brought up to ALWAYS go with the program, be good! I guess due to how I was treated in high school in which “towing the line” was actually FROWNED UPON by the teachers aka the authority figures, I stopped caring! I was always a rebel but it went to a greater extent. I recall – following in tandem with my upbringing – picking out friends, things, music for appearances just as folks pick friends for social status, etc. aka superficial reasons. It reminds me of after this incident happened here:
When I walked into Dialnet on Melrose near Fairfax Blvd in Miracle Mile, LA, the Asian GIRL at the desk WAS EXTREMELY FUCKING SNOOTY, VERY SNOOBY – the type who will pick her friends for VERY superficial reasons and not have any deep relationships, friends who would cape for if she got mad rough, real “ride or die” friends (those the ONLY mugs I let into my life – period – and I have no use for mugs like here):
…I can see the dustiness and crustiness and just deadness emanate from him) only called his trashy trampy ass self “accepting me” only when someone HE RESPECTS “cosigned me” – what a fucking loser – and had the nerve to IMPOSE himself in my space (by acting like he was gonna direct my car which was DEAD due to lack of battery juice – again WHAT A FUCKING CODEPDENT, WIMPY NEEDY IDIOT, IMBECILE) and got pissed when I ran him up the street. I showed him LATER not to come at me! I am not at a need for friends. Even going back to when I was a kid – never was! I’m a loner. I only form DEEP relationships and I can intuitively sense WHO is kosher and run up with the quickness WHO AIN’T (I have no tolerance for bs AND I WILL MAKE YOU RESPECT – even thru fear).
After this, I stopped caring. I becane the monster as Bobby Hemmitt talks about here:
I for years could only eat meat (it wasn’t until I discovered Crystal Geyeser water which is PURE water that I could eat well rounded foods like vegetables, fruits, etc.). Now, with the 260 degree turn I took in terms of personality, I rejected the things that I used to enjoy and love to hear like music, etc. due to the internalized trauma of swallowing that lady’s negativity! Due to the emptiness of losing the right side of me, I would have sex just to “feel” again (I almost felt like a sociopath – emotionless almost, too much energy at the head!) anx I would drink to meet people to fulfill this (I noticed early on via drinking it would expand my level of consciousness). While in college (I attended the University of New Orleans) I would go out to the French Quarter (it is really the Spanish Caballeo as the Spanish rebuilt it after there was a fire there in the 1800s) and get drunk to fulfill this. I felt the right side of me – my soul – was missing. But…I ceased conforming to the world if I felt something was not right. I evolved a consciousness where I saw the world for what it was and not the deception most people are tuned into. and became I was always woke but became evermore EVEN MORE WOKE! I also became more psychic (as they say, trauma helps with spiritual powers). However, it seemed like my creative, artistic energy – let me explain – it seemed like my consciousness, my spirit split and my creative juices got diverted towards my psychic abilities hence how I developed clairvoyance, precognition, and (I always had telepathy and could hear thru white noise) astral projection. I used to have ALOT of these experiences but I was still – on the right side – a walking shell, creatively, of myself like the technical abilities were there but the soul, the heart of influencing my artwork was just NOT THERE and it seems my numerous spiritual experiences such as how I started to shed the physical fakeness in which I dropped the blue eyes and blonde hair and became more real – physically – and more intuned with my physical self by dropping anything that was fake on me (to one extreme) to going through the spiritual then the occult satanic phase – all these experiences seemed designed to help me become a perfect version of me according to my Divine Life destiny! A more perfected self in which I find myself beyond what society defines you as (hence why I choose to live in my car just like the Greats like Buddha, Krishna back in the day would live in caves) and get to know the Real Me which encompasses my past lives. My journey started in my old apartment back on Hauser and it seems to be concluding on the streets of Malibu.
I also had terrible, terrible urges for alcohol in which it started as every 3 days I would get these sudden urges like it was a ritual to now, I can’t feel a thing when I drink. I can go through 3 BIGGER bottles of this:
Actually, like this:
…And not get drunk! I think it is because I spiritually did all I could do with alcohol. I don’t see the point of using drugs, even with alcohol. Just… no point! Last week – and this was the last time I could get drunk with it – I had the highest spiritual experience on it, speaking perfectly, eloquently on it (YOU WOULDN’T EVEN KNOW I was drink cause it had a strange effect upon me but for a reason) in which I was teaching, healing folks and it felt like my consciousness had expanded and I was at the roof of my crown chakra. Now, if I drunk I feel like my soul is ABOUT to leave via the crown chakra even after a little bit of drinking like a lil of beer someone gave me (beer NEVER could get me drunk – really, ever!)! See, the alchemy of alcohol is – like most mind altering drugs – like ayahuasca (notice in ayahuasca you puke like you do after drinking alcohol and it taste BAD like alcohol, too) – it can separate the spirit from thr body so as long as you use it according to what you are intuituvely told – as was in my case – it can help evolve you spiritually. I think I reached a point where alcohol did all that it was supposed to do in my life to help me reach my spiritual zenith. Alcohol helped this guy write this GENIUS novel here (due to the splitting of his consciousness into alternate parts of himself) resulting in this BRILLIANT series called the Interface series on reddit:
In a way, it is what you call the dark night of the soul, your shadow self. I also recall all the stupid shit I did and now I do WITHOUT it’s aid! I am now realizing it is because I am doing something that most people could never do which is viably integrate the shadow Self with your “sober” societal mask so you can form a complete version of you! When I was growing up, I felt I had to be one way – perfect – obedient but this is not healthy. This is why so many folks who materially have it all are miserable and simply HATE people like me who go topless, who live our truths: they suppress that dark side of themselves. That’s why Orange County – according to what I heard from many sex workers – have SO MANY RICH mofos HOOKED on drugs, even going as far – lol, crazy mofos – SNORTING FUCKING COFFEE CAUSE THEY NEED SOMETHING TO SNORT! LOL! Crazy mofos! I always felt Orange County people are FUCKING NUTS and YOU COULD NOT GIVE ME A HOME NOR PAY ME TO LIVE THERE!
Even their “Lockup” episodes are crazy.
While we go to Lynwood county for dumb shit most folks would understand like gang affiliation, GTA, stupid shit:
THESE MOFOS ARE GETTING LOCKED UP FOR – for instance, this fool here got locked up – wait for it: HE RAPED HIS DAUGHTER FOR YEARS, KILLED HER, THEN KEPT HER BODY IN HIS BEDROOM THEN RAPED THAT! Another broad – Vietnamese (I was Vietnamese in my past life 🙂 – KILLED HER BABY cause she wanted to be with a dude, serious shit!
– I think this might be it! Let me know if it ain’t!
There’s something in dat water in Orange County. They BATSHIT crazy! I acknowledge I am out there but of all the places I have lived – NYC, Worcester, MASS, LOSER-ana, Orange County people are THROWED OFF – even Chalmatians aka Chalmette retarded mofos in Louisiana (they have a radiation plant there and you can see it in the retarded way and looks of the people there) can’t come even 16th place close! ORANGE COUNTY PEOPLE ARE INCONTROVERTIBLY NUTS!!!
That said, I am currently in the process of taking all my experiences, picking and choosing what I will combine and accept and what I will reject such as past life experiences and becoming what I wanna be!
In my past life, I was raped and murdered in Vietnam around the age of 14 or 15 or maybe even 13 (an uncle I recall went with me as a guide on one of my astral projection experiences). Due to that past life that is why I don’t care for romance or relationships as I learned via a psychic. I can call myself “healing” from that but I kinda like that: it makes me me. I recall as a child having ALOT of sexual fantasies and wanting to be sexually wanton (I guess that is a defence mechanism that stems from my past life in which I feel if I make myself sexually available I can never be raped). That helped me with sex work (funny, I was a sex worker in that past life, too). In this life, I waa very sheltered and I feel that past life helped me with survival instincts just as the spiritual grooming by the spitits in my old apartment (being comfortable with my body by being hairy, etc. not shaving, eating as close to natural, REALLY rejecting materialism, rejecting non sensical societal values) helped me to be comfortable with life with living in a car!
I bring these up because last night – I had a vivid experience (I can’t call these dreams) in which I was talking with a best friend from high school: Erika Williams. I was in a school and – this was I guess right around this time in which I can no longer get drunk – I was allowed to “graduate” to a higher level! When I woke up, I felt more “conservative” but complete – like everything, the alcohol urges – had to happen to mold me to where I am. Again, it seemed like I had “blocks” in my mind from when I was a kid in which certain portals in my mind couldn’t be opened and there was a time in which I wanted to go back to that innocence before I had that teacher tell me, “Drop the English accent.” I now look back – look back at the values – and realise with what I know now – everything HAD to happen! Had I gone to De La Salle – see, my experience at Prep made me look at altered states of consciousness, experiment with it. I now have this overstanding that is almost otherworldly hence why Earthly experiences that would traumatise others simply roll off my back. It’s the same overstanding that had Jesus accept his fate to die. That would NOT of happened had I gone to De La Salle. I woulda been “out there” but not to the extent I woulda been here and because my high school experience would not of made me look at it to the point where due to certain factors (wanting the high school experience, wanting to fuck with white boys, etc.) I wouldn’t of made a suicide attempt which resulted in the literal expansion of consciousness. I note even now the little recent traumas all help to open up certaib parts of me and thus, perfect me. It seems like all my old abilities are assimilating with the new to create a New Being in me which is what the graduation in my experience represented!
Now I know how to work with my energy body – I have conquered alot, spiritually! I guess that was what the graduation in that dream meant (usually I am “being held back” I guess from ascending). Last time I drunk my intuition told me that my consciousness would bust wide open. That has happened. Now I am ready to explore my powers!