I think back to the days when I used to put on what folks would mistakenly call “shows” where I was just being a free spirit in Malibu and showing off my whole body:
And how I internalized alot of folks’ misogynistic, internalised misogynistic viewpoints on a subliminal level when all I was doing was being free and doing me and not wanting to be done.
And each time I would write blogs low key apologizing for being me.
Here are some more people complicit in taking advantage of when I go butt naked:
That said, let me remind you I – and other women – were dressed when this happened:
That said, the issue that bothered me the most was not the act of sticking fingers in me, it was the lack of respect complicit in the attitudes – and mentalities – of the people doing it.
See, awhile back I came across someone who made a comment after I pushed his hand for touching my ass where he said, “Bitch you walk around with your titties out and you are ugly ass fuck and you have no right to brush my hand away”:
That said, it is that lack of respect that I now realEYES caused me to internalise misogyny myself and feel bad for being me, walking butt naked, being a free spirit.
That said, the disrespect does not, I now realEYES, lie with me but with them. There was envy there cause I could be me and they could not be me or even themselves.
See, when I am not drunk – I now realEYES that I was uptight ass fuck because of how the world view me through the lens of the intersections of race and gender, especially gender.
Alot of folks don’t know it but racism derives from misogyny. It is the root cause of it because, see, due to fear of white genetic annhilation, it was the driving cause behind why white men instituted misogynistic laws like the ones in ancient Rome where women could not go out or even sneeze without a man’s permission much less even think.
Racism started with the white woman being the white man’s property then extended to everybody else becoming his property:
People don’t realEYES how BAD severely gender based discrimination, misogyny and hatred of the Divine Feminine overall play a part in how fucked up our world is, but now that we are in the Age of The Divine Feminine, The Age of Aquarius, the Age of The Aeon, Sophia, that is very much changing and that old mentality is being starved and is dying out to make way for a True Age of Egalitarianism and the settling of energies, merging with each other, together now.
See, the people that stuck their fingers in me thought they were taking my power. They did not because my natural state is freaky but due to social conditioning and, in my case, racial pressures combined with misogynistic ones that kept me from somewhat exposing that side of me, hence why I had to get drunk so as to not care (don’t do that shit to me though – sexual voilition is very much important) – I soberly suppressed it while being sober.
That said, see, for me it was not the act but the perception of me that bothered me, put me on edge and made me feel I had to “get back” at mofos and teach them a lesson because, just as Milo Yiannopoulos was made to feel bad about having sex with a grown man when he was considered a child (a teen), we allow social mores to get into our heads and change the overall constitution of how we feel about ourselves on things, thus changing our overall personality.
https://www.vox.com/identities/2017/2/20/14668372/milo-yiannopoulos-gay-pedophilia-myth
I am cognizant that mofos around there envied my strenght and most of all my intelligence and saw their sticking fingers in me as their way of taking my power and giving it to they themselves and my hyperdefensiveness and reaction (which was justified) was due to my picking up on this, their perception and true motive towards me more than anything.
My reaction gave them power.
Just writing this out I can’t believe how the simple act of being me exposed rape culture on a smaller but still significant scale and the intersections of race, misogyny, and internalized racialized misogyny (having old ass white women around there go off and be pissed cause I am young and black with a nice body, like slavery times):
