It was hard to get thru this video without crying…..
All the feelings, emotions of powerlessness – it’s how many rape victims feel – is torturous and I’ve been tortured with these feelings for weeks cause of inertia, inaction here…..
There’s more to the story and I had to do deep meditation, obsessing to get there:
YOU KNOW WHAT – I KEPT MULLING OVER THE MEMORY OF WHAT HAPPENED A COUPLA WEEKS AGO WHEN I WAS WALKING, PURE NUDE, ON TOPANGA!
I remember his vehicle broke down (‘woke ✊🏻 lol) and him getting rides from friends.
I DO remember him wearing like a loud white shirt with a blue jeans/long blue pants ensemble.
I DO remember him distinctively walking back up the pch with a gasoline thing in his hand. I remember it was him.
I DO remember him grabbing me in, and sticking a finger in me, molesting me, as I was walking drunk.
That’s the catharsis for why I am pissed at him. Cops can’t do anything cause there’s no proof. I got an ankle monitor so I gotta be careful. I don’t know what to do.
– I mean, just reiterating it in writing is getting to me. The feeling of helplessness – I got an ankle monitor – not being able to DO anything is killing me!
I did file a police report cause again this violent nigger – and his stalking and RAPIST actions – are getting to me…..
Here he is following me…..
I did call the sheriffs and file a police report…..
I did deep meditation to get more answers, confirmation. I heard in the ether this RAPIST ASS COWARDLY (HE WOULDN’T DO THIS SHIT TO A MAN) PIECE OF SHIT SAID, “YEAH, I PUT MY FINGER IN HER!” I WANTED TO SEE HOW THAT PUSSY TASTE LIKE” SO CASUALLY!
I ALSO HEARD HIM IN REAL TIME SAYING, “YEAH, I PUT MY FINGER IN HER AND SHE BETTER NOT DO SHIT BACK!”
This mofo an animal, a RAPIST, A REAL SICK SERIOUSLY FUCKED MOTHERFUCKER – and he chose to prey on somebody who society has discarded off as a “weirdo”, “crazy” and this is why this happened…..
That said, I am a free spirit at heart. My true innate nature is a lover – NOT some hypersexualised sex beast who likes to have sex all around as unfairly impinged upon me and my identity by racists and misogynist mofos – but a loving, giving person, who honestly just wants to help people.
I don’t wanna be any warrior. I am not a fighter at my core. I’m forced to be that way – and put up a hard front cause of how people treat me, which has been all my life.
The feeling of isolation, the feeling of having to be strong when that’s not you, being deeply and tragically misunderstood when all you want is to be at peace and just allowed to “be” instead of having people impose their racist, misogynistic ass perceptions on you and your identity and their miserable ass lives, taking it out on you.
I remember when I was 5. I didn’t say shit and a teacher said, “She manipulative” like what in the fuck did I do!
Same in high school: yeah I wanted to impress teachers by showing off my knowledge, my “big words” – most kids do to receive applause – only for my very innocent actions to be met with “she’s manipulative.” The same teacher, a math teacher named Ms. McCloud later came around and said, “I’m sorry, I said that out of jealousy.”
It’s so confusing because you see people doing really horrible things and they get praised for it. Meanwhile folks like myself are just being themselves, really protecting themselves and I get vilified.
Folks around here think I’m territorial. Really I’m being protective of myself cause I don’t want people coming around and treating me like a zoo animal, something to be leered at and stared at and treated like a piece of meat, like I’m nothing. Of course I pick up on people feeding off those energies, feeding off of me and I react right back in self defence.
Words like “crazy”, being called “weird” as this nigga has…..
This why he did what he did cause I’m nothing and I am supposed to perceive myself as less than human – and unworthy of respect – in his eyes and that is why I have to act “hard” and even be mean to people so I don’t get hurt and that HURTS that people think that way about you, so little when you got so much to offer – I know alot of folks look up to me – and folks just take take take me for granted which is why I built a wall around myself to protect my emotions, my mental stability.
I just want to be treated as a human.